Late night open thread

Mitch Hedberg night:

I got a business card, cause I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: "Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner."

I had a paper route when I was a kid, I was a paper boy. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses... or 2 dumpsters!

Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way, right? "Prices and participation may vary." I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets!

My apartment is infested with koala bears... it's the cutest infestation ever! Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want 'em to, you know?

I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on 'em. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque, and throw down on some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on... "you better flip that Frito dad, you know how I like it."

I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I would say, "Just press 2 for a while! And when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough."

Time for Jersey City, After Dark