Skunks out in Fairview are now 65% more frothy

Dateline Middlesex County: Health officials have confirmed rabid skunks roaming Middlesex County unchecked and without valuable skunk immigration papers. A resident's dog in Fairview killed a skunk that tested positive for rabies. The dog has finished their rabies shots and is being looked after. The skunk was buried in a private service out behind the testing facility at the Dumpster Mausoleum.

So Middlesex County, avoid contact with skunks, as if you needed help with that tip. And should you see any skunks acting strangely (like speaking with a French accent and wooing local cats perhaps), please call county health officials at 1-800-NO-SKUNK.