Why do woodchucks hate America?

Don't they have it pretty good? Don't they have their own day on February 2nd? You'd think a little gratitude would be in order but noooooooooooooooooooooo. It seems that woodchucks in Hudson New York have been desecrating the graves of soldiers who died in the Civil War (and were on the winning side no less). They have been stealing small American flags from Civil War soldiers' gravesites and have taken upwards of 75 of the flags: “I think for the most part we’ve confirmed that’s the case,” Mayor Bill Hallenbeck said Saturday. Police used pole cameras to check woodchuck holes. “They confirmed there are flags down there.”

Here's the kicker folks:

Apparently, some flags are now coated with a substance that attracts woodchucks, Hallenbeck said. Lt. Richard Paolino learned via a Google search that other municipalities have been having the same problem and this may be the cause.

So the woodchucks are attracted to the flags. We think a "Just Say No" campaign for each and every woodchuck who tests positive for flag would be the right way forward here. The city already put in countless man hours and had four police officers working the missing flag case so a flag/drug intervention doesn't sound so nutty now does it? After treatment any woodchuck testing positive for flag wouldn't be allowed to vote in Hudson.