If you see SantaCon activities in Jersey City, you call the SantaCon Brute Squad

Today, sadly, is SantaCon. That lowly drunken, slovenly event that drags down Christmas every god damned year. Now, normally these "SanataCon" participants don't get much beyond NYC or Hoboken which could mean their Department of Corrections shock collars® won't allow them into Cool City or our force field is holding strong but you will, citizens, see SantaCon activity rearing it's ugly ugly head in JC from time to time.

That's when you call 1-800-99-BRUTE. A local cabal of Jersey City citizens in different wards will be dispatched with everything but guns to force the SantaCon participants back indoors to their own hovels and yurts or make sure they leave on the PATH stagecoach back to the big city where the Cheeto-faced Shitgibbon who will be our next president lives. These actions have been approved (as far as you know) at the highest levels and top men and women have been put on this important oversight committee.

If you see something, say something. You call 1-800-99-BRUTE! SantaCon, get out, and leave Jersey City well behind.