Friday night MULTIMEDIA EXTRAVAGANZA with ELTON JOHN!

Johnny and the crew are going to kick off the Music Series in 2015 with a tribute to the humble jukebox. Whether it be the kind in a bar, the small kind seen inside 70's diners or the refurbished kind today that can set you back thousands, tonight it's about the jukebox.

Of course our regulars will know you have to sit through one of Johnny's boring-ass stories about growing up before we all get to the music.

Ortonville Michigan in the winter of 1977 wasn't a very happening place. Brandon Middle School even less so. That was until the student council bought the school a jukebox for the cafeteria that students would be able to use during their lunch period. Just about all the students sitting in class in the main hallways saw it rolled in the day it arrived, in all it's 1970's beauty. It was such a big day the principal made an announcement that no tom foolery would be allowed with the new jukebox and students would be expected to take turns. As the clock ticked down to lunch that day, Johnny and about 40 others wanted to be the first one to drop money in that thing. Best thing was Johnny was situated in a classroom with a straight shot to the cafeteria without bothersome turns and hallways that other students flooded out of. Also, Johnny was fast fast fast for his age. Johnny had one foot in the classroom and one in the hallway and a quarter in his hand.

When the lunch bell rang Johnny took off like he was stealing a base; head down, arms pumping and just flying down the hall. He was leading his hallway by at least 2 strides towards the lunchroom. As students ran from other parts of the building like they were fleeing zombies it was indeed Johnny who got to the jukebox first and he who got to carve the roast beast, er, play the first song. A6, Elton John and just as it was that day in 1977 it is today, 'Harmony'

Class, please take your seats we have a lot of material to cover

OK, as Johnny's 8th grade science teacher Mr. S******** used to say "OK students, take out your penso and paypo." This was the same teacher who would put quiz questions on a cassette tape, push play and leave the room for half the hour. After he'd left and the sentry said he was safely in the teacher's lounge we'd flip the cassette tape to the side the answers were on (You know the routine pass your paper to the person in back of you). He'd play those after coming back into class. Sure we kids would make sure everyone got one or two wrong so our good grades all the year long would thus be ensured. Then he'd get awards for having the best students in the world and we all lived happily ever after.

Now the news:

*When Spectra says their pipelines are safe you can't believe a word they say. ALREADY a $70K fine has been dropped on Henkels & McCoy Inc., contractors for unsafe working conditions by OSHA. Henkels & McCoy Inc are also repeat offenders. Don't take the time to make the worksite and thus the pipeline safe, just do it fast right boys?

*Tilda Swinton is tired. If Johnny had any brains he'd go register @Tildaspillow on the Twitter and make comments on the people having their MOMA experience interrupted by a sleeping actress.

*The NYFD has real problems with racists and skinheads in their EMT Division it would seem. The son of their fearless leader jumped ship after some racist tweeting took place. The NY Post caught up with an EMT skinhead-type feller who burst into tears when confronted. How far does this sickness go in the NYFD? A retired EMS vet told the Post:

“He is not an isolated case,” a retired EMS veteran said. “He’s a symptom of a sick system. If you work in the city for police, fire or EMS and tell me you’re surprised by this, you’re a liar.”

*The NYPD has horrifyingly begun running background checks for warrants and what not on women who call and report domestic violence. Shameful right? That'll help clear up the backlog of calls because in many cases there won't BE a call. Way to go you shortsighted turds. Making some women think twice about calling 911 while being abused. That's just ignorant. This had better never ever be the case in Jersey City.

One day a Bushwick hipster walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The next day 10 Bushwick hipsters walk into a bar with ducks on their heads...