Classic PSA night

A public service announcement, those age old scoldy commercials mostly trying to mold you, bunky, into a better citizen. You probably remember the famous Indian ad where he had trash thrown at him and he cried. PSA, advising us to stop this nonsense before it kills us all.

Well friends, here's a PSA about not just tossing your trash on the sidewalk when you're done with it, lest it draw RATS! A classic from David Lynch from 1991.

There are rats in the subway lines in NYC -- Ya don't say

OK OK the article isn't pointing out in some shocked fashion there are rats in the NYC (and PATH) stations and lines. The article is a pretty good read kids, there are some things you'll learn, like rats call fall 40 feet and still hit the ground running. The NYC Metro folks say there aren't as many rats in the subway system as you'd think but really, whatever they have tried hasn't worked. Rat poison is only placed on the tracks but is often blown away by passing trains. Besides the experts say, rats at this point pretty much KNOW the third rail is electrified and avoid it so they don't spend a lot of time ON the tracks (Johnny's seen some permanently affixed to the tracks if you get his drift).

The biggest rats on the PATH system that Johnny has seen reside at the 23rd St. stop. They'll run up and down the stairs between the PATH and MTA lines down below. Make sure to say hi.

The wind is right, the moon is up late and Johnny wants him some TriBeCa property cheap

So if you see a guy skulking along the river before the moon comes up tying up plump plague rats to helium balloons and loading hundreds of others onto a makeshitft rafts with sails set to catch the 50 mph winds from the west, ignore that guy. Johnny figures nothing will bring down the price of a loft in TriBeCa faster than plague rats running around. Property is gonna open up pretty fast once the coroner's office gets it in gear and the price per square foot drops lower than a pregnant wiener dog.

Now, granted, a couple of the boats could skirt lower Manhattan and find their way to Brooklyn and the wind is pretty strong so some of those helium balloons are gonna be dropping rats all the way over the East River into Queens. Oops. Our bad. And for the balloons that might get caught up on the shall we say taller buildings -- well PETA has rapid response teams for that.

Johnny tried knocking on doors asking for some cheap prices and put in some lowball bids which was going nowhere fast. Then one night he caught a Powerpuff Girls rerun and noted a similar plan from super evil genius monkey Mojo Jojo.

Rodents away! Now whip out those checkbooks and let's move some property.