Lukas, dude, you gotta slow down on the 5 Hour Energy drinks

Or booze or pills or meth or whatever the hell you were on and then some.

Dateline Manasquan (and we admit we don't get out to Manasquan as often as we'd like): One Lukas Iorio, a former Region 2 champion and two-time state qualifier wrestler at Bergen Catholic had himself one busy night Sunday along the Manasquan boardwalk and surrounding area. Get out your scratch pad or calculator or even follow along in your heads as you count the crimes:

Witnesses said Iorio approached the cart as it was being driven on the beach by a member of the Manasquan Beach Patrol about 8:30 p.m. and jumped feet first through the plastic windshield, landing on a front seat, the release from Police Chief Elliott Correia said.

Correia said he then assaulted both occupants of the cart, forcing them from the vehicle. Witnesses said Iorio drove the cart toward the inlet “at a high rate of speed while swerving at pedestrians,” the release said. He hit and injured a 49-year-old man who twice tried to avoid the cart, Correia said.

He eventually crashed the vehicle into a gazebo, but then ran to a nearby bicycle rack where he apparently tried to steal a bike, the release said. Iorio then punched another man who had apparently came to see if he was OK following the crash and also tried to calm him.

Iorio then fled into a backyard, entered a home through an unlocked door and came face-to-face with its occupants, one of whom, a 72-year-old resident, he repeatedly punched in the face and head, Correia said in the release.

That's a lot of wrong right there. Iorio was subdued by the 72-year-old man's family and beach patrol employees. OK, did you keep track of the crimes? Let's see how you did compared to the charges laid out:

Carjacking, burglary, resisting arrest, four counts of simple assault, one count of assault by auto and two counts of criminal mischief. He also was charged with driving under the influence, reckless driving and leaving the scene the scene of an accident with personal injury.

If stupidity were a game Mr. Iorio just hit a Yahtzee.