Meet Jersey City's newest 65 story rental property

Steve Fulop announced late last night the site had been picked for Jersey City's newest 65 story rental property. "We were driving along yesterday and I said HEY, look there, a spot without a building. Just look at the income that would bring my office--er the city! Those cars weren't there 45 minutes ago so that's a free space lot to build. I've already alerted city planning and set along the necessary case of Yoo-Hoo chocolate drink for approval by any means."

Fulop cited his "Empty Lots Need Buildings" program as a need for more building everywhere. "Trees are out," said Fulop spokesman Chuck U. Farley, "Sure nobody has ever built their way out of a recession but it doesn't mean that we can't try. Of course more taxpayer-born tax abatements will be necessary for these fantastic builders."

Construction is expected to begin last night...

Staten Island Ferry crashes into terminal -- Dozens injured -- Witnesses: It was narwhals!

MSNBC:
A Staten Island ferry boat with a history of accidents struck a pier as it approached a terminal Saturday, seriously hurting at least one person and leaving as many as 35 with minor injuries.

People were reported screaming and crying, no doubt some using their iPhone's speed dial to call their lawyers to get that paperwork started (Charles 'Speedy' White, "If I can't beat your rap I'll eat a bug" would be Johnny's choice) and the injured were being treated. Some passengers reported the captain of the ferry was traveling too fast as he approached the docks but at least two witnesses said the captain was merely taking evasive actions; "Narwhals, at least six came right at us flashing their tusks and threatening to ram holes in the boat dawg" said Vinnie 'The Situation' Barbarino. "Our driver had to speed up or these things with horns was gonna hit us," said Tamiquia White "They were like swimming unicorns, all frontin".

Mayor Michael Bloomberg was too busy dealing with actual terrorism threats in his city to comment on this possible narwhal attack and ferry crash but a city spokesman, Chuck U. Farley did say that many of the guns picked up off the streets and bought back from hoods in the city recently could be handed out to Staten Island Ferry riders to fend off future narwhalian attacks. "The fact there could be killer narwhals in New York Harbor and in the Hudson and East Rivers angries up my blood" said Farley.

Office supply store workers injured in freak accident when giant cat head goes plowing through the business

Yes you read that right. An office supply store in Secaucus on Paterson Plank road was destroyed yesterday when a giant cat head (and the Jersey City Desk has tried to warn you people on the dangers of giant cat heads....repeatedly) came barreling through the business Friday afternoon. Store employees Eileen Down and Chuck U. Farley were listed in stable condition at Secaucus General Hospital with a couple broken bones and cuts and scratches this morning. Eileen Down (shown below sitting at the checkout counter in the store video below) also suffered an allergic reaction. A customer near the back of the store, Amanda Hugenkiss told the Jersey City Desk "THAT is f***** up." Secaucus police said they have no leads on where the cat head came from or where it went after trashing the business.

In-store video surveillance of the incident.