The giant cat head from outer space is back and doing damage in Hoboken

Several Fuho residents were awakened early this morning (Johnny's police radio was cracklin at 3 AM) as the famed giant cat head was zapping garbage cans and backyard swingsets in the area near Columbus Park around 9th and Willow. There is nothing yet from Hoboken PD on the property destruction but Johnny did hear one panicked police officer on the radio when faced with the giant cat head yell into his radio "He's bringing down swingsets, our weapons are useless!"

We tried warning everyone when we moved out this far east and giant cat head attacks came closer to us but nobody lifted a finger. Homeland Security? Nothing. Port Authority? Nothing. Local PD's? Nothing.

Every day this cat head is allowed to exist is another day closer to it killing a citizen.
FILE FOOTAGE

The giant Space Cat head with laser eyes attacked a group of Goldman Sachs employees last night

The giant Space Cat head with laser eyes that has menaced the Hudson and Essex County areas (oddly since Johnny moved here from Michigan) struck again late last night, around 11pm, suddenly rising up off the western bank of the Hudson River attacking several employees of Goldman Sachs heading to Exchange Place.

"We were just dumbfounded at first seeing a giant cat head floating around, I mean who wouldn't be? Then it started shooting at us with it's laser eyes and I just ran" said Julie Evans. "I moved here to get away from sudden unannounced attacks and now this" said Parminder Salim.

Jersey City police would only say several areas along the riverwalk were scorched and a couple benches destroyed. They would not say for certain if it was even a giant cat head with laser eyes; police spokeswoman Kelly Myers said "Who knows, maybe it was a runaway Toyota that took out those benches, we just aren't releasing anymore information at this time".

Witnesses said the cat head then darted towards the New York City side of the river.

(File footage)

Office supply store workers injured in freak accident when giant cat head goes plowing through the business

Yes you read that right. An office supply store in Secaucus on Paterson Plank road was destroyed yesterday when a giant cat head (and the Jersey City Desk has tried to warn you people on the dangers of giant cat heads....repeatedly) came barreling through the business Friday afternoon. Store employees Eileen Down and Chuck U. Farley were listed in stable condition at Secaucus General Hospital with a couple broken bones and cuts and scratches this morning. Eileen Down (shown below sitting at the checkout counter in the store video below) also suffered an allergic reaction. A customer near the back of the store, Amanda Hugenkiss told the Jersey City Desk "THAT is f***** up." Secaucus police said they have no leads on where the cat head came from or where it went after trashing the business.

In-store video surveillance of the incident.

Oh dear God, it's here! It's found us!! The giant Space Cat head with laser eyes attacks two men in Jersey City!

Somehow, someway citizens the Giant Space Cat Head has made it's way east to Jersey City. Nobody is safe now. Two men were walking on Kennedy Boulevard near Manhattan Ave. when suddenly, the cat head came flying out of Leonard Gordon Park and started firing at them. They took refuge under a vehicle there and were not seriously hurt. One of the men who asked to not be identified for fear of Giant Cat Head retaliation told police "That's messed up, I mean a giant cat head with laser beams?! Has Hell opened upon us?"

Jersey City police had no comment for the Jersey City Desk but it was clear they have no idea what they are up against.

(File footage)