A rare look inside Johnny's Death Ray control room on Mt. Secaucus

For all those who thought he was kidding all this time.

That was SOME test of Johnny's death ray now wasn't it?

Johnny chose the Ural Mountains of Russia this morning to test his death ray which by now all our regular readers know is sequestered safely atop Mt. Secaucus. Some in the media are calling this a "meteorite" but rest assured kids, it was Johnny's death ray test. You have nothing to fear (unless your town runs afoul of Johnny).

A sample of the result:

Lottery fever, catch it!

Well all the schools will be in the black after Friday when the next Mega Millions drawing comes to pass. As we all know from our teevees and elected leaders, lottery helps pay for all the schools in Schoolland. So, since tomorrow's jackpot it $500 million dollars they'll all be having lunches featuring pizzaburgers and tater tots w/ vegetable medley forever more!

Johnny's accountant, A. Shyster, factored the numbers around and said you'd probably haul around $260-270 million after Uncle Sam and Uncle Christie took their slice of your stack.

$270 million. Do you good citizen have a plan for that? Johnny does.

1) Buy land
2) Raise army
3) Fortify death ray on Mt. Secaucus
4) Break ground on second death ray on Mt. Secaucus
5) Buy Cadillac CTS
6) Buy penthouse in tall building in NYC. Install water balloon launcher...and Bat signal just for laughs

It's good to have a plan and stick to it in such an event as winning the lottery. So many people don't have a plan and wind up wasting their money.

Successful test of the Death Ray

Johnny aimed it smack into Virginia and scorched a swatch of land. You could feel it.

Now what's this about an earthquake? Bueller? Bueller?

Johnny's got contractors coming and going here all day

In his race to build a death ray on top of his building he's gonna work from home today to make sure the nuclear-fissionator 2000 is installed correctly and operational. We'll be back with you tonight for the music series.