We were going with another story this morning until our friend Smarty Jones at The Mile Square View hit us with this...

Oh what a great article. Johnny wishes he'd written and done the Photoshopping on this one. Beth Mason's dog was attacked by either a Rodent of Unusual Size out of the Princess Bride or a possum or giant-ass raccoon. Most people would simply not walk their dog where wildlife lives up to its name but being a city counsellor Mason is demanding action from the highest offices in Hoboken.

Instant classic Smarty Jones! #PrayForHoboken

You all remember the movie the Princess Bride right?

Then of course you remember the harrowing trip through the Fireswamp with Westley and Buttercup. Who could forget those random pulsing fire bursts and those hideous Rodents of Unusual Size with their huge bodies and sharp teeth.

Johnny thinks the Fireswamp MAY, and we stress MAY, be located in or around The Bronx.

A massive rat, truly a rodent of unusual size, was found in a Foot Locker in The Bronx. Now if large rats make you all jinky and janky this link is not for you. But it is not the first time a rodent this big has been seen in the Bronx. The persons of letters over at Gothamist have an idea what's going on.

Johnny Action Science Punk remembers in his sixth grade math class having a textbook with cartoon characters to help doe-eyed students learn. One of these characters seared into Johnny's brain was Dogberry, the dog with the helpful hints. Johnny's here to give you this Dogberry hint, once we run out of Kia Souls to let them drive we're in big trouble.