Giants football Gameday!

OK, we're going with the premise nobody cares about the matchups, who might have a slight edge in what and who is hot. It's ALL about that draft pick at this point so let's get to:

DraftWatch 2017®
The Giants simply have to lose to Dallas today. IF the Browns can somehow manage to win two games and the Giants win no more it's the Giants in the #1 overall draft slot. They also can't afford to fall back any further if they hope for that very high pick ala 'QB of the future' after Eli. We'd be remiss if we didn't discuss the 'Gruden Rumor' that popped up this week as well. Monday Night Football analyst and Super Bowl winning coach with Tampa Bay, John Gruden said he'd be interested in the Giants head coaching job, only IF Eli were still the QB. That would also no doubt change the thinking of that top three pick. Gruden loves to run. The Barkley kid might fight that slot. It becomes more and more fun to speculate on the draft at this late date Giants fans, take it from Browns fan Johnny.

The Browns today have a better than average chance to actually win. Follow Johnny on this. The Packers are hot, just trying to get to Aaron Rodgers return next week for a late playoff push. They are expecting to win today in Cleveland. BUT, if you took these teams stats and took away the helmet indicator and you saw 'Defense vs Rush' or 'Rushing yards' and the like....you'd pick the Browns to win. Yes, the Browns look better on paper at 0-12 than 6-6 Green Bay. FYI the Browns are 6th against the rush in the NFL this year. Didn't have that did you? Also, the Browns fired their GM and hired someone new this week. Jobs are on the line. Veterans will show up to play today. That's why today could, stress could be that day the Browns rise up and win a game. With the Bears in two weeks they have another chance Giants fans, keep your eye on this game.

DraftWatch Standings:
Cleveland Browns 0-12
New Jersey Giants 2-10
San Francisco 49ers 2-10
Denver Donkeys 3-9
Indianapolis Colts 3-9
The Chicago Bears are also sniffing around the pile at 3-9. If you're a Browns fan, after the Bears come the Houston Texans at 4-8 and the Browns have their #1 pick for that classic Browns-like trade for Brock Assweiler.

Fearless Forecast
New Jersey Giants 21
Dallass Cowboys 20

Giants football gameday -- The Geno Smith era dawns

Yeeeeaaaah. Johnny remembers when Bill Belichick took over the Browns back in the 90's and ran the very popular Bernie Kosar out of town so he does know how Giants fans are feeling shocked and betrayed over Eli Manning. Of course Kosar was traded to Dallas, took over for a half season when Troy Aikman was hurt and won his Super Bowl ring.

Then the Browns moved so the comparison ends there.

What.A.Mess. Head coach Ben McAdoo is rumored to be broomed as early as tomorrow morning but then again didn't we all hear that last week? Let's see but onto the Raiders.

The Giants need to---Oh screw all that. Nobody cares. They want McAdoo to lose (as if the Giants somehow can't) 40-0.

DraftWatch®
Cleveland 0-11 (At the Chargers today, 25% chance to win)
NY Giants 2-10 (That loss to SF pays big dividends)
San Francisco 2-10 (JUST defeated the Bears 15-14)
Denver 3-9 (Getting whipped by the Dolphins now)
Indianapolis 3-9 (Taking the ziggy vs the Jags today)

When it comes to the draft thing, keep Eli on the bench. When it comes to what's right, fire McAdoo and put Eli back in.

Fearless Forecast
Oakland Raiders 28
NJ Giants 17

Giants football Gameday!

*Noseplugs on*

OK, we're entering some stinky territory, Johnny wants you Giants fans prepared.

Who here remembers their M*A*S*H episodes? If you do you'll recall "Five O' Clock Charlie" who everyday around 5pm would fly his dilapidated bi-wing plane over the 4077th and try and drop one bomb/grenade from above towards the camp munitions dump. Think hard because that is the Giants offense right now. A sputtering, laughable, almost clownish attempt at NFL football. They can't run, even against bad defenses. All their receivers are hurt. All that's left is for Eli to start getting mashed in the pocket as he throws to what Johnny calls (In harkening back to his computer game PlayMaker football) WR-1, WR-2 & WR-3. Luckily they are in Denver tonight vs the 3-1 Broncos so any gas in the tank will be burned early and everyone can go to bed at a decent hour.

But Johnny, (you jerk) the Giants defense is their strong suit and the Denver Donkeys are not their old selves on offense. It's not their strong suit. Players have literally quit, others seem to be sleepwalking and nobody is communicating.

This thread today will be quick. Denver will be up for a big game and the Giants have already checked out. On paper this looks like a blowout but it IS the NFL so in that spirit:

Fearless Forecast
Denver Broncos 28
New York Giants 20

Draftwatch®
OK, we'll start our new Giants Gameday feature, (or is it a bug?) Draftwatch® in which we'll show you the games Big Blue fans should also be watching today in jockeying for position for the #1 overall pick in April.

The Standings:
1) New York Giants 0-5
2) Cleveland Browns 0-5
3) San Francisco 49ers 0-5
4) LA Chargers 1-4
5) Chicago Bears 1-4

This is the actual updated #1 pick standings, you must factor strength of schedule and other numbers but as of today the Giants are on the clock. Now is not the time to get a win in Denver, capice? OK the Browns will more than likely lose in Houston today, the 49ers face Washington (a chance for a win) while the Bears are in Baltimore for an expected loss and finally the Chargers are in Oakland and may have a punchers chance.

Another Super Bowl, whoopiteedoo!

Every year America loses it's mind over the Super Bowl. Everyone but Johnny. He's a Browns fan. Do you know how horrid it is NEVER cheering for a team in the Super Bowl EVER? Sure, you might not like one team, Dallas, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Denver and New England all roll of the tongue but they've all won shitpiles of Super Bowl trophies. The Browns (and Lions and Jaguars) have never been. Yes, so "Go other guy" gets real old real fast.

But Johnny. those ads, they're the best. Well, maybe some are but some won't be. Two words, farting horse. Besides, the Super Bowl ads didn't all used to "leak" (no doubt by the companies themselves believe it or not) a week before. Watch them now if you want at your leisure. The Wizard of Oz kind of lost some of it's mojo once it wasn't on teevee ONCE a year around Easter time. That was it. You saw it or you lost. With basic cable it was on TBS and elsewhere all the time. Those 1984 Apple and Mean Joe Greene Coke ads are a bygone era. Ads built for impact not entertainment value to be viewed on YouTube on a loop.

The players Johnny, you've gotta love those players. Johnny's a Michigan State fan and Tom Brady went to Michigan. Johnny is a Browns fan and Falcons starting center Alex Mack bolted the Browns first chance he got. Hall-of-Famer in-waiting Joe Thomas is the answer to the immediate question/statement about leaving the Browns that jumped to the front of your mind.

Some of those halftime shows though, they've been great you cynical Johnny you. What if we, as a nation, see another boob? What if we as a nation have to watch another rock star or band mail in a performance with local kids ambling around on the field while they play the worstest ever thing in music, "the medley." Lady Gaga seems like a great person who truly has her head and heart in the right place but Johnny's not a fan of her sound. Gladiator fights. Now THAT would bring Johnny back for halftimes. Big old Punic War reenactments with flashing lights and great battle music. It's football, and gladiator fights fit that image perfectly. While Johnny's all about improving the Super Bowl while not watching it, here's a suggestion for those in power at the NFL to tune in more viewers (and he simply cannot believe you didn't come up with this yourselves, perhaps too busy molding fake patriotic initiatives eh?) and make the Super Bowl and ever BIGGER spectacle. The camera spends how much awkward time looking for celebrities in the crowd during the game? Screw that. Take the time you spend showing celebrities and use that for a replay or Troy Aikman drawing all over the screen. Why not have a Super Bowl RED CARPET arrival for celebrities? Celebrities LOVE this shit and for some reason people like seeing famous people on red carpets. So, NFL, have a red carpet show for all the celebs showing up before the game and then everyone will already know who's there. You're welcome.

Today however, for the first time in forever, Johnny's not going to a party, Mrs. Johnny is out of town, nobody is coming over. Johnny doesn't have to watch one goddamned minute and doesn't plan to. He may check the score online, he might goad fans on Twitter, but yeah, this Browns fan is done for the season.

Super Bowl 50 open thread

Why not make this dump your home for all things Super Bowl 50, the first Super Bowl in forever without Roman Numerals. Stop by if you're a Panthers fan, (Broncos fans can go fuck off, you've kept Johnny's Browns out of three Super Bowls) or just want to talk some ads.

Fell free to say what you want. There's no edit button if your team loses when they pass when they should have run the ball at the end.

Bring on Chris Christie's orange sweater!

As you read last night Johnny has a brand new big teevee so Chris Christie's hideous orange sweater (that has cost him so much this week after being seen awkwardly hopping around with Jerry Jones last week vs the Lions) will be bright, front and center.

Go Green Bay, and you kids might want to start thinking about your commute tomorrow morning right now, it's gonna be a mess friends.

Fearless forecasts:
Green Bay 27
Dallas 24

Indianapolis 34
Denver 27

New Jersey Jets football gameday!

This will be short for all you Jetropolitan fans as you head over to the New Meadowlands. Rumor has it the Denver Donkeys stayed at the Westin this time like they didn't do during Super Bowl week. They high-tailed it over to the Westin so they could stay where winning teams stay, like the Seattle Peahens.

OK, so there you go, there's your drama. The Jets are a sucky mess with no hope at QB and the other team today has Peyton Maning and a highly operative team and game plan. What would you like Johnny to tell you Jets fans? That no game is ever played on paper? Ok, no game is ever played on paper. That being said...

Fearless Forecast:
Denver Donkeys 36
New Jersey Jets 13

Both Super Bowl teams arrive in Jersey City Sunday with much fanfare

At least by Jersey City's Mayor and the fans of the teams themselves. There just aren't a lot of Seattle or Denver fans who make up the local population to make that happen. You citizen are encouraged to go to both the Denver Donkeys arrival celebration which takes place at 4pm at the Hyatt hotel, 2 Exchange Place AND Crooked Pete and his Merry Band of Self-Important Seattle Peahens who will have their arrival celebration at 8pm at the Westin, 479 Washington Blvd.

Said Jersey City Mayor Steve Fulop of the welcome ceremonies:

“We are excited to welcome the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks, as well as all of their fans, to Jersey City,” Fulop said. “Working closely with the NFL has been a great opportunity to showcase Jersey City as we prepare for the nation’s largest annual sporting event. We hope that everyone attending the Super Bowl experiences everything Jersey City has to offer.”

Johnny wishes he could get excited by these teams but come on, Denver and Seattle. Nuff said.

Joining the Denver Donkeys are the coffee house misanthropes from Seattle

The Peahens have won the NFC and are also on their way to Jersey City full of vim, vigor and a bag full of shitty calls helping them to the Super Bowl. The NFL should really be quite ashamed of the way that game was officiated.

So fans from Denver and Seattle will be coming to Jersey City to wait near their teams' hotels to get a glimpse of their favorite players or to get an autograph on a jersey. Seeing as Johnny is a Browns fan and the Donkeys have kept Cleveland out of three Super Bowls any Denver fan asking Johnny a question is going to get a wrong answer or wrong directions. Look out Bayonne, here come some Denver fans.