Wednesday, January 19, 2011

An open letter to all the killers, crooks, rapists, thieves and nere-do-wells in Jersey City

First off, welcome to the Jersey City Desk, we realize we're probably not on your required reading list. Now, why are we writing you a letter? We'd like to advance your careers in a southern locale, near a big city. Think of it, a warmer climate and symphony orchestras and ballet to boot. So get your gym bags and burglar tools together while we tell you about an incredible opportunity to leave Jersey City in your rear view mirror for bigger opportunities.

Camden. Yes, crooks and killers of all shapes and sizes, Camden just recently lost most of it's police department which in our estimation would make your jobs and lives easier and more fruitful. Camden just let go 168 police officers, practically ALL of the cops they have hired since 1998. Think of it, your criminal mind allowed to hatch nefarious plans free of police intervention. Hey, if arson is your game Camden just let go 67 firefighters. Your homeboys would be right next to you in Philadelphia so big city entertainment is IN!

That's a lot of value for a criminal in Camden, 50% less cops, fewer firefighters and less people to even process arrest records and court documents. Hell, anymore Camden is gonna make Newark look like casino security. Can you say rapid job advancement? We knew you could.

So think on it, and to entice your move south, how about this, a postcard from Camden New Jersey, your new home.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious Johnny! One of your best commentaries. I hope the criminals take you up on the offer!

Anonymous said...

snork lol

Johnny Action Space Punk said...

Thanks anonomi, this idea came to me last night. Some days I got nothing. I was happy to get at this one.