MSNBC:
A Staten Island ferry boat with a history of accidents struck a pier as it approached a terminal Saturday, seriously hurting at least one person and leaving as many as 35 with minor injuries.
People were reported screaming and crying, no doubt some using their iPhone's speed dial to call their lawyers to get that paperwork started (Charles 'Speedy' White, "If I can't beat your rap I'll eat a bug" would be Johnny's choice) and the injured were being treated. Some passengers reported the captain of the ferry was traveling too fast as he approached the docks but at least two witnesses said the captain was merely taking evasive actions; "Narwhals, at least six came right at us flashing their tusks and threatening to ram holes in the boat dawg" said Vinnie 'The Situation' Barbarino. "Our driver had to speed up or these things with horns was gonna hit us," said Tamiquia White "They were like swimming unicorns, all frontin".
Mayor Michael Bloomberg was too busy dealing with actual terrorism threats in his city to comment on this possible narwhal attack and ferry crash but a city spokesman, Chuck U. Farley did say that many of the guns picked up off the streets and bought back from hoods in the city recently could be handed out to Staten Island Ferry riders to fend off future narwhalian attacks. "The fact there could be killer narwhals in New York Harbor and in the Hudson and East Rivers angries up my blood" said Farley.
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