Monday, May 11, 2009

Goodness, Jersey City has a burglar with delusions of criminal grandeur

First the facts---A burglar broke into a Jersey City apartment and stole a female residents belongings, sadly including her Yorkshire puppy. The burglar also took $15,000 worth of jewelry and some furs. Her apartment was on Linden St. Aside from the taking of her pet a pretty run of the mill thief, until you hear what this crook left behind, a copy of the book 'Cross Country' by James Patterson. In this book a serial killer breaks into a house and murders a woman and her family. Ominous, no?

OK, Johnny's gonna hip you the public and Mr. Super Criminal wannabe to some things here. Johnny has studied serial killers for decades. The hows, the whys, the psychology behind them and the patterns of serial killers. He knows more about them that 99% of the people not in law enforcement. Mr. Burglar, you are no serial killer. In fact you're not that smart of a burglar but we'll get to that soon enough. So, he wanted to intimidate this woman by leaving a book. Did he think she'd read it before calling police to report the break in? Did HE actually think she'd read it, be threatened and not call the police? Not too smart, what a thimble headed gherkin, this one. Another thing, serial killers don't announce to their victims they're going to kill them. That's how it works see, they don't want somebody checking their surroundings expecting an attack. It kinda works against the serial killer. No, this caveman thought to himself "You know what would be cool? If I left something scary behind to threaten her and this'll make me like some scary and feared burglar, maybe the media will even give me a name".

Here's a nickname--Delusional. You're not scaring anyone. You're a low life, low level crook. You're not a serial killer, you never will be. You took her puppy, you didn't kill it. Johnny's yet to ever run across a serial killer who fenced furs. Oh, and the book you left, it doesn't sell all that well certainly compared to his other books. In fact, by the end of today Johnny could call in some favors from his publisher friends and get a list of how many and where that book has been sold in this area. If Johnny can do that, the cops can do it faster. Don't think they haven't already. Maybe he had that copy for a while, perhaps, so unless he has a never ending supply of books on serial killers to leave at burglary scenes he's gonna need to go shopping. Yeah you can pay cash but stores have cameras.

Ask a real serial killer about stores with cameras, BTK.

Seriously skippy, you're not scaring anyone out here in Jersey City. We've seen and dealt with tougher customers than some yob with delusions and an active imagination. You're certainly not 'The Tiger' as found in Patterson's novel. Far from it little man...

2 comments:

Trixie Junior Space Punk said...

Hamburglar is more of a threat.

Johnny Action Space Punk said...

He's a putz. Yeah, hamburglar, good call.....