Why do turkey vultures hate America?

So, Jorge Hurtado is driving his minivan eastbound on I-80, like many of us have. As he drives through scenic Parsippany the unthinkable happens. Suddenly Hurtado's minivan and his wife are ATTACKED by a suicide turkey vulture who flew right into their windshield and hit Hurtado's wife Vanessa in the face causing some minor cuts and scratches.

Police will not say if this was an intentional act by the turkey vulture. We may never know if it was some kind of suicide attack or just a horrible error in judgement on the large bird's behalf. Either way he won't be doing it again. We can only pray as Garden State residents this is not some kind of coordinated strategy by turkey vultures. Luckily however we have State Troopers like Brian Miller who was able to use his extensive background in law enforcement to proclaim the bird dead at the scene.

PETA was none too pleased about Hurtado driving his minivan into the flight path of the turkey vulture at that very moment. They did not see this as a suicide attack but rather cold blooded bird murder:

"We are shocked and horrified by the actions of Mr. Hurtado" said Zoey Manfreddengensen, PETA spokesbeing. "To drive your vehicle directly into a bird's flight path is uncalled for. He should be ashamed. We are also calling for the closing of I-80 immediately as it is now obvious that the I-80 route through Parsippany is a commuter route for New Jersey's turkey vultures."

The dead vulture was taken away by Eagle Towing. No, really, Johnny can only WISH he'd made that part up.


Here we see a turkey vulture laughing at a skunk getting hit by a car